Why should SHE get married?

Hello all !

It has been pretty long since you last heard from me. Also, the question – that this post revolves around – has been on my mind for quite sometime now. I admit I have not done any intentional or official research about it. But still I have observed a lot in surroundings. And although its an endlessly-debateable topic that I am bringing up this time, still I thought why not give it a try. A try to put my opinion into words. A try to find-out what my network of people around got to say about it. So let’s begin !

A girl. A woman. A female. May be just another gender for some? But not so for everyone. Some people do not leave any scope of improvement in their behaviour which makes hell of the lives of females around them. And no, I am NOT being a feminist. Rather I’d like to bring to your notice, often you will see a woman being other woman’s enemy too. Never realized? NOW think about it. And why would a woman do this to other woman? Well, let’s go deeper into the matter.

Ok, let’s talk about the very first stage of a girl’s life. She takes birth. If lucky, that is. Who is a baby closest to? Mother, of course. Most mothers love their children irrespective of gender. So let’s assume all baby girls get love from their mothers. Father’s love? Ok, i agree, times are changing and fathers love their baby girls too. These days, some people rather prefer they get a female as their baby. I appreciate. But grandparents and other relatives? Some of them are still there to discourage the couple from having a girl child. Whatever might have been the steps taken by the government, for women empowerment, too. Bitter truth, still there are people who get disappointed at a girl’s birth.

Now we can talk about 2 cases. Either the girl is lucky enough to get her parents support and is brought up like a princess. Or, been cursed at every step of life, faced partiality with brothers and lives through lack of resources. Let’s talk about the lucky one. Although even the luckiest of girls have to live through the worst bitter truths of life, still let’s assume for once, she’s blessed. So, she turns 3, joins school, gets good teachers, good friends, good academics, gets appreciated by everyone. She grows up further, joins her dream college in field of her choice, again gets good faculty, good friends, good academics. Some luckiest ones even get higher education. All in all, life has been good. Until one day she falls in love. Some girls get their first hard life-lesson when they face the first heartbreak of their lives. But to this, some of you might say, girls break boys’ hearts too. So, ok, let’s assume this phase also goes well. The girl and the boy both love each other truly. Both are honest to each other. Time passes, both settle down professionally and decide to take it to their parents. Now here enters religion, casteism, blind-beliefs (kundali, etc) and many other such things. Somehow they don’t get married to each other. Now who has got to face worse consequences of this? The girl, of course. Again some of you might say, “No! Both were forced to move-on. So both go through hell”. And here comes the twist in the tale. Believe me boys, even if a girl does not herself say she is facing worse than the boy, she is forced to think so. And the ones who will make her believe this, will be the people close to her themselves. You know why? Society. The famous traditional point of concern “What would people say?” And that “Ultimately it all comes down to the reputation of the girl and her family.” Regardless of your gender, you would admit to have seen in most of such cases, the girl’s family gets her married as soon as possible, while the boy’s family is in no hurry. Similar thing happens if an alliance breaks in an arrange marriage too.

Another case. The girl has dedicated all her singledom life to her career and is now all set to get married. The groom-search begins. And there comes that phase where most people realize why they were told that boy’s birth is better in every way. Disheartening but true, still there exists that category of people who believe the girl’s family should bend because they are girl’s family. Yes dear friends, I agree the times are changing. But still, you too would have to agree, still some awakening lacks. True, many boys’ families are these days even against dowry. I appreciate. But then dowry is not the only issue. The girl’s family is made to feel bad at some place or the other. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes the doers don’t realize.

And then SHE gets married. May be to the man of her dreams or may be with some compromises. Her family is happy. Some even go greet the holy river Ganges because they have succeeded in getting her married. But what happens after that?

Yes, times have changed my friends. But what has changed with time? I’d say nothing. Women had to sacrifice then. Women have to sacrifice now too. And no, dear all, its NOT the same for men and women. I agree, good men make sacrifices themselves too. But still it can’t match the amount of sacrifices the girl makes, in any way.

Worst are the cases where a woman is another woman’s enemy. They usually come in the form of in-laws. Although they can come in other forms, like colleagues, too. With changing times, the amount of responsibilities of married women has only increased. Earlier, the tasks were divided by gender. As in, ladies of the family would handle the household activities and the men would earn and do the outside activities. Now the ladies are expected (and in some families even pressurized) to earn as well as do the household activities. In short, most guys these days dream of an all-rounder to marry to. And though some of these boys are fond of cooking but still many avoid it too. And after all, household activities many other things than just cooking. Not every in-laws family is in favour of employing a maid or servant. And in case the girl chooses to become a housewife after marriage, she is made to struggle for every penny, as she is dependent financially. Worst nightmare of a woman is when she is somehow surviving/managing in her in-laws and on top of that, her own family puts her down, saying, “You have got married. Now that only is your home. Live or die, we can’t get you divorced because we won’t be able to face the society after that.” Suppose a woman is struggling real bad post-marriage life and her family supports, gets her divorced. Then the society won’t let her live peacefully. Even if she gets married for the second time, she will still seem like a spot (on her family) to some. So, the question rises, why get married at all? Why not rather work hard, be independent, settle down professionally and make your parents proud? May be later you meet the man of your dreams someday, his family welcomes you with open arms, and life becomes more like heaven to you. And even if you don’t want to get married ever, you should be free to decide that. A female should rather be allowed to (and should prefer to) keep other aims in life. A solo trip. A world tour. Lot of experiences, lot of people. I wish we all (or at least those of us who really want to) could live life like a freebird. I wish we were not so bound. I wish…getting married wasn’t a matter of compromises and sacrifices. All I want to say is, marriage should rather be a matter of choice than compulsion.

What do you say about it?